I became a mom 2.5 years back but gave up my career the very next day my pregnancy got confirmed. I so wanted to work despite my pregnancy, to discover the strength in me, and then to be a working mother. Sigh!
I wasn’t prepared for this new phase and hence whatever was happening was difficult to accept. In fact, everything happened so quickly that I felt like the leaf which was just flowing with the river because it has no control over the current.
Soon, my beautiful daughter was born and I fell in love with motherhood. There is no denying that motherhood is definitely the best thing to happen to a woman. But, for someone who’s been working for the past 10 years giving up working suddenly takes a toll. It’s disturbing. And I was no different. And I was scared maybe i would now have to bury my professional side. Nevertheless, I pushed my fears aside and decided to focus on my little angel.
Little did I know what was coming.
The lack of financial independence and being at home all day started pulling me into depression. Not that my family wasn’t there to support. But, I was missing being me. I was missing interacting professionally, I was missing the authority of a working woman.
Depression is nothing to be ashamed of and can happen to anyone. Thankfully I was just on the threshold.Only the intensity of one's depression differs. Click To Tweet
I don’t know how, but one day I decided that I cannot let the depression monster take hold of me. I am a strong woman who takes charge of her life and makes it what she wants it to be. So, I started reading about parenting, keeping the reader in me alive. It was a task to convince the mind of certain things. Though in my heart I had finally accepted that I am a mother and a happy one, my mind still wanted the perfect balance of a mother and a career woman.
Time passed and with the responsibilities of a mother and the love given by my daughter, my mind gave up on the perfect balance and my heart got immersed in the new life.
By the time my daughter was a year old I was completely involved in my life. From being a doting mother, a great wife, to a good homemaker.
But honestly, no matter how happy I was, that tiny corner of my mind was never at rest. I was doing everything a mother, a wife, and a homemaker should do. But, what was I doing for myself? I often used to think.
The realization that I had completely forgotten about the ME amidst my present life, hit me hard.
And once again. I fought. With myself. For ME.
I could not let myself get lost in all the responsibilities around me, I thought. The tags of a wife, a mother, a homemaker are just a part of me. They can never make me feel complete.
I was not running from my responsibility as a mother neither was I blaming my child. In fact, I want to put in all the efforts to lay a strong foundation for my daughter in her early years. But, the fact, that I cannot bury my responsibility towards myself cannot be overlooked.
Moreover, I do not want to crib and blame my child 10 years down the line that it’s because of her I could not make the most of my life.
I want her to look up to me, understand my viewpoint, and feel proud of my decisions.
That was the day I started blogging again, full-fledged. Today, I am juggling between taking care of my toddler, being a stay-at-home working mother, and not to forget, managing the house. It is a difficult task if you ask me, trying to do everything to the T.
And yet, I am judged. For everything. At every step.
Why do we have to choose between our baby and our career?My career is my baby too. I have nurtured it all these years and suddenly I am asked to let it go. Click To Tweet
I want my both babies!
The story of every mother who steps out of her responsibilities to fulfill that one responsibility, which is towards herself.