I am baffled at the reality of life, the frail existence of virtual relationships or rather all relationships, and the need and want to lend a helping hand to our friends and family, yet wondering if our advice would pacify their situation or bring a tornado in their life.
Let’s not get into the entire incident but just a hint of what happened with my dear friend and why it compelled me to write this post.
So, the gist is that Varsha, my friend met a fellow blogger online, they liked each other’s work and with time developed a healthy friendship. The comfort in communicating with each other and the human nature to understand made her male acquaintance (by now a good virtual friend) share with my friend some of the harsh realities of his married life.
I completely understand this man and his need for a listening ear. Sometimes we are so broken inside that we want to shatter into pieces, to end everything, to run away. But, we can’t!
Man or woman, they are at the end humans with a certain set of common emotional needs.
Women often can easily express their feelings, emotions, and helplessness by crying, yelling or venting to their friends and closed ones.
But, it’s not the same with men. They have always been taught since they’re born to not cry, to be strong just because they’re men. They don’t share everything with their friends because they don’t want to come out as weak or being judged. So, this man found solace in my friend and for a number of reasons.
Though they developed a healthy friendship over time, my friend was still an unknown person to the man and they knew each others’ background or life only to the extent they were told by the other.
Here I take that probably the man poured himself in front of my friend thinking that she won’t neither judge him nor read between the lines when he shares his grief, but, in turn, would just be a listening ear who might give him a fair and unbiased advice or I prefer calling it, help. Or if nothing, at least can just hear him out.
I understand my friend Varsha too. She initially extended that helping hand which she being a good friend couldn’t keep away from her friend in need.
However, when the frequency of the venting, sharing, or reaching out increased she got startled for a number of reasons (I’m guessing here).
It’s human nature. And I am judging neither my friend nor the man for what they did respectively.
Had been in her place I would have panicked too. The increased need of the male friend might have instilled fear in her.
What if she gives a wrong advice, right in her perspective but not for her friend? She feared if the person might fall for her which is very practical owing to a troublesome marriage and a female helping hand. Plus the man has kids and my friend feared what if she suggests anything which hampered the life of his children.
So, she wished him the very best and withdrew herself from this male friend.
But, now she thinks whether what she did was right?
Did she leave her friend in the middle of a whirlpool? Especially after being the log of wood the man was holding onto to keep himself afloat all the while?
Did she come out as a bad friend? Someone the man was looking up to for a great emotional support but was left bereft in the middle of the turmoil?
Would she do the same thing if it was a woman?
All these thoughts troubled her, would have troubled me too. Why? Because we are human, we empathize and we know the importance of being of a ‘listening ear’ (at times we are more comfortable in sharing our miseries/hardships with strangers than with people we know).
Yet, I say, we all have a particular part in every story. Sometimes we play it till the end, sometimes we leave in between abruptly, solely as per the director’s discretion.
The director? The Almighty!
I strongly believe in destiny.
It was destined that my friend and her male acquaintance become good friends where the latter confessed his deepest scars to her.
But, it was my friend’s choice to end terms with her male friend.
And from there on, it would be the man’s choice how to take care of his circumstances.
There were two phrases which always puzzled me-
“It is destiny. What is written will happen.!”
“A man is the maker of his own destiny”
I always used to think how can these two contradictory phrases hold good. And the fact that people believe in both.
Nevertheless, I got my answer in 2010. When destiny had in store for me something else but I took charge and made my own destiny.
The incident behind this post also clearly explains the difference between these two phrases.
What happened with my friend was probably destiny, but probably what she did is how she changed what was written.Destiny is true, but the fact that on certain pages in our destiny book it's written ‘As You Wish’, is true too. Click To Tweet
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“This post is also written as a part of the #AlexaTheIncredible campaign hosted by #womenbloggerwb”