Asmi’s Journal
15/05/15
I missed you too, Journal. Sorry, just didn’t get time to come to you. So, today in the metro I heard a girl say something that made me smirk big time. She said though she isn’t much interested in cooking, she is thinking of joining a cooking course, because like or no, a girl should know cooking, as told by her mother.
We say we are progressing, but I wonder how? One boasts of their daughter’s education but cooking is a must criterion while searching for a suitable daughter-in-law.
Why doesn’t a girl have the freedom to say boldly that yes I do not like cooking! Simple. Why is this so difficult to understand and accept?
Why do we attach tags like cooking, fair, traditional, a homemaker with only a girl? If we harp on equality then these parameters should be associated with men too!
My thoughts were soon interrupted by someone muttering. This female behind me was talking about not being able to work anymore as she has a kid to attend to. Though she said she was confident enough to manage her work and her child, her family thinks otherwise.
Wow, another incident of patriarchy!
After Avni, I know the importance of a mother in the upbringing of a child. But, I also know the importance of losing oneself, very easily I must add, while being a mother and wife. You knew, even before Neel, how close I was to losing myself.
The helplessness in the lady’s voice made me wonder about the asinine mindset of people in our culture. Again, I ask. Why can’t a woman just be herself? Why can’t she speak for herself and be heard too?
If she says she can manage, means she can. Simple. Again.
Engrossed in my musings I realized the burning situation next to me pretty late. A lady was threatening someone on a call. She looked newly married as she still wore chuda and perhaps was talking to her husband. And boy, she was outraged. Without raising her voice even for a moment she made sure that her temper reached the person.
She sounded so confident, so determined to give it back to her husband.
We sat together for only 10 mins, so I don’t know the story. But, what I liked is she knew what she was saying. She made it extremely clear that no man can ruin her life.
I still remember her words- ‘Mr. Rathore! How dare you think you can spoil my life. You will have to pay for what you did.’
I may be wrong too for there can be a possibility that the man is not wrong. Yet, I’d say that I loved this lady’s determination. The fire in her eyes.
That’s what every woman needs. The courage to stand for yourself; The will to #BeYou. To Say what you want, Do what you wish, Achieve what you desire. To Speak up for yourself.
Don’t lose yourself for someone else.
Don’t give up on you so easily.
#BeYou
Asmi heard only three ladies. But there are many women around us who give in to the societal norms. This is the problem. By not speaking up initially you set a standard and later when you put forward an opinion it comes out as an argument. Speak up for yourself from the first day. Stand for yourself.
Nurture your dreams. Never let anyone tell you otherwise. You are a woman. If you can carry a child for nine months and then give birth. You Can Do Anything. #BeYou. Believe in You!
Written as a part of #BlogchatterA2Z challenge.
Rightly said! We need the courage to stand up for ourselves however it becomes very difficult sometimes for many of us! The points made here hit hard. We truly do not need to mould or change for anyone 🙂 ☺️ waiting for more posts from the journal! @Rashi
It’s more difficult to stand against one’s own, for they are the first who pull us down. M sure if the family is with you, no one will care about the society. Thanks much for reading, Meghana 🙂
That, Rashi, unfortunately is a much talked about topic with little results. Being yourself – sounds so easy in theory and yet so many minds and hearts trapped in a difficult ordeal in India. Great write!
I agree, Lavs. Being yourself, in fact, is the easiest of all, as we only have to attend to ourselves But, it’s the ‘log kya kahenge’ OR ‘i think what the other person is doing is better’ mentality which pulls each of us down. Thanks for reading. 🙂
Rightly said! We need to stand up for ourselves which may seem hard at times but we must always give our best. Points made here are hard hitting! Can’t wait to read more from the journal @Rashi 🙂
Oh, I so agree! As women, it is up to us to put our foot down and say what we will and will not accept. If you love cooking, great; if not, that’s fine too! I fail to see what cooking skills or lack thereof have to do with a suitable daughter in law! But a patriarchal society isn’t going to hand us anything on a silver platter. We have to set our own boundaries and be strong, just like the fiery lady you mentioned in the last story.
oh, this cooking thing boils me up now. I mean who cares about education or a person’s nature, all they care is about if a girl knows how to cook. M like, Please gimme a break, move on from your stupid mindsets. And you know what, the fiery lady in the last story is Real. Happened I think around 7-8 years back but I still remember her face, her voice, everything. She was right next to me and I heard every word she said. Even spoke to her once her call ended. Yes, we need to have the same courage as her to decide our boundaries. Thanks much for reading. 🙂
Rashi in the struggle we women go through on a daily basis, somewhere we do end up losing ourselves for the people around us , and also giving up. on our dreams and aspirations. WE crush them ourselves. But.. well… if dont then who will
You are absolutely right, Ramya. We crush our aspirations ourselves. and it’s time we bring them on the front. If we won’t care and respect our dreams, no one will.
Well expressed.
Great moral, Rashi.
I feel it is very important to #BeYou in this world that’s constantly trying to change you! 🙂
Thanks, Anita. Right. in fact, not losing one in this changing world has become a task, which I feel we must take up. 🙂
Loved the title of this post and the fire in your writing style. keep it up:)
Thanku so much for reading and believing 🙂
I fail to understand as to why cooking is attached to gender. It is a life skill which both men and women ought to learn so that they can prepare a decent meal if need be. Women work outside their homes and they deserve the same set of rules as their men counterpart. It is so difficult to be yourself in this society with their the set of preconceived notions but we must not give up. Great post Rashi!
Oh, this cooking word just boils me up now. I understand when women weren’t working household was their responsibility. But, why now, when even she is working and earning equal or even more? I believe that no matter what happens we mustn’t lose our core identity, good or bad. Thanks for reading, Meha 🙂
“Don’t lose yourself for someone else”
So true. Love your writing !!!
Thanks for dropping in, Leha 🙂
This cooking thing is really annoying, like it’s ok for a guy to never have entered the kitchen as he was busy studying but a girl is expected to know everything as isn’t the route to a mans heArt through his stomach . Bull shit
I hear you, Akshata. gets on my nerves too. I mean can we move on from this cooking thing? can we move on from being ‘frog in the well’ and look beyond?
While I agree with you Rashi that the society shouldn’t associate certain skills with an eligible spinster (only) to find a suitable groom, I feel it is the need of the hour to have basic skills like cooking. No, don’t get me wrong, I mean this not just for a girl but for both boys and girls. I believe it’s one of the essential skills and every individual should have at-least basic cooking skills to survive in odd circumstances.
Just like the previous story, very well written.
Mr Rathore how do manage to write so good ?? Haha kidding , Rashi very good post , yes being yourself is very very important . The society has fixed parameters with girls which need our courage , keep writing
I hate the tags based on gender. You should do this because you are a girl/boy! Why can’t a person just do something because they want to and not because they belong to a particular gender?
It was interesting to read your thoughts on this.
Loved it! I am a rebel. I hate anything that stereotypes me or puts me in categories. Why?? Why do we need to be set in a certain mould when none of us on this planet is identical. Why do we give in to the social pressures and “expectations” when we too have our own dreams. We live only once, just like everyone else. Then why can’t we live it the way we want to.
Be you, yes coz we women are lost somewhere in mother, wife, daughter daughter-in-law, sister, and all relations.
Be it home or outside we tend to lose our choices over our kids. We need to be more with ourselves.
how do u create these pics daily, they are awesome.